I want to go to a gym and work out. :|

Or you know, punch things. :))

Because the thought of not exercising had been totally wrecking my brain since I stopped my saturday obligation of kicking ass.

Hmm.

This thing should die already! But I enjoy seeing my tumblarity as a zero. Just for the lulz.

I don’t blog so, I just keep this to read on about myself. How vain.

Review classes are okay, I guess. I mean, 26/50 isn’t bad for a warm up quiz in math, right? Wrong! Not if 30 points is the passing score.

But I love it anyway.

Some guy named Arman (ARMANI?), R-man (lol) or whatever REALLY like REALLY looks reminds me of Adam Lambert (and Arianna agrees). He’s just short though, even if technically we’re about the same height.

Whatever. General Science on monday, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for that cello.

So batch rivalry is quite fun. ‘Cept, Corinne had to take it out on me for my batchmate’s actions which… kinda sucked but oh well. I guess it’s what happens when your highschool is divided into a 3:1 ratio. (One! Four! Three! Friends Forever! JUJU-JUJU-JUJU-JUJU-JUNIORS!)

It’s ridiculous how one thing can lead to another in a blink of an eye.

Anyway, moving on to better things, Mark Carpio tomorrow and I am possibly SCARED TO DEATH. I want to do well, but I’m scared of what he would think. As some people in the choir like the members of last year’s choir better than this year, it’s very hard to deal with. I mean. Sure they’re better, sure they bonded more, sure they won first place last year, but shouldn’t they consider the new people’s feelings too?

I was a bit hurt when they said they liked last year’s songs better than this year. I mean, Kruhay, Coconut and Iisang Bangka were all good songs. But who said that this year couldn’t be better? They’re being a bit biased and that really puts me in an awkward position (aside from already leaving me insecure). Atleast Odes understands. I get a feeling she can read my face everytime people say that.

I hope this attitude fades before the performance, or I can atleast be immune to it.

We had Pep Practice today and I thought it went well. I suppose it went well, though it could have gone better.

I still don’t understand why some of my classmates left without asking permission. It’s as if the whole practice was unimportant, like it was just some sort of joke to them.

I mean, other people don’t think this thing’s a joke.

We’ve been branded so many names since the start of high school. I don’t care much for it, but I’m pretty sure other people do. I pretty sure that once in a while, people are conscious of what the other batches think of us. And it’s not up to us to blame them, because in a way, you know you feel it too.

I don’t understand why some people would choose to be lazy or bored and become okay with the fact that the other batches think we’re losers. They probably didn’t mean for it to sound that way, but I’m pretty sure that’s what they meant. It’s almost as if the other batches accept that we couldn’t fight back and choose to ignore us all the same.

HEAR ME OUT. I don’t want to be IGNORED. I don’t want to appear as something to fill up the pages of the graduating batch’s yearbook. I don’t want to be just some other student from our school.

I want for us to become a team. I want for us to work together to achieve a common goal. Some of us don’t even ask for much, some of us just want to prove to other people that we’re just as much as a threat as the others.

I feel so sorry for the other leaders. They’re wasting their time and effort for people who look like they don’t give a rat’s ass about being a loser or a winner. They’re wasting their sweat for people who would much rather sit their asses and focus on what they like.

What about what we like? What about what the batch likes?

Doesn’t someone out there atleast show some gratitude for what the leaders are doing for them? Sometimes, simple instructions can’t be followed because “It’s too hot” or “I’m so sweaty” or “This cheer is lame”. Well, let’s see you try and shout all day, stand up all day and compose a cheer better than the one that our leaders made. Let’s see you try to control a batch that looks so uninterested. Let’s see you try to lead.

We chose those leaders because we know that we can follow them. We chose them because we respect them.

And If you believe everything I’m saying, STAND UP.

You must have some pride in there. I mean, you don’t want to tell your kids that high school is a bore when deep inside you didn’t want to them the real reason. The reason that in twenty years time, you will have hung yourself dry knowing that you were such a drone. That you didn’t fight the fight. That even if the odds were all against you (much less ignore you), you didn’t fight back. You know you didn’t do it and yet you choose to ignore it.

Sometimes I wonder how you people sleep at night.

So I’m not going to my grandmother’s funeral tomorrow. I’d rather not see her leave. We weren’t close or anything, but my aloof, uninterested expression would (I think) ruin the whole ceremonial process.

I’m not sad, nor am I happy that she died. My expression is stoic, as if I knew it was coming. Sadly, I did not remember the place. (Though the bathrooms were familiar) My cousin said that it was the same place where my lolo had his wake. So like, woah I’m kinda old.

I don’t remember the last thing she said to me. Though I did remember one thing she told me (indirectly) before she died.

Me: Hi lola!
Lola: Hi.
Me: *kisses her on the cheek then walks away*
Lola: Sino nga ba yun? (Who is that again?, to her nurse)
Me: OUCH! (Hahaha.)

I don’t know. Haha. And one thing I remember from her is, as kids, my cousins and I were so noisy. She would curse us always for being to nosy, restless, noisy, messy amongst other things. But I guess, it’s her way of loving.

We all have our different ways, I suppose.

Don’t you think it’s fun how I just inverted the colors of both my tumblelogs?

Yeah, so anyway, I finished making the Beijing videos for my grandmother’s birthday already. Geez, it took a bit longer than I expected. (Who knew we had too much pictures?)

Anyway, here’s to hoping tomorrow is a good day.

Be back later to randomly blog because I’m bored.

…And I need to take a bath.